His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
