She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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