Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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