I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
