Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
