i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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