If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
