I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
