dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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