You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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