She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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