I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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