So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
