trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Randomize
