Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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