he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
