next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
