We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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