fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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