How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
