Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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