he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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