I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
