Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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