I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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