omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
