In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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