You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
