i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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