Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
