I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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