Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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