When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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