Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
