Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
