dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
