dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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