i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize