Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You may now shotgun with the bride
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
