your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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