how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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