Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
