just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
