went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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