Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
And then he peed in my hair
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