We got so high we made milksteak
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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