Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
