we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
