I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
