ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
