I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
