I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
