Got a toothbrush?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
