I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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