I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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