I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
