Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
