This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
