it was like eating out sand paper
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
