If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
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Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
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Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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