Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
