Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
