I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
