Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
