drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
