My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
