He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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